Chapter One
The Power of Controlling Your Emotions
(Power One)
Of course the author will start off with the hardest power to learn, but one that will be one of our best lessons when it comes to men.
Men are led by sex, women are led by emotions. Not a shocker.. right? Even though it's not a bad things to be led by emotions, it must be controlled to make appropriate decisions. Why is this? Well you're giving a man more power when you lead by your emotions. This isn't being selfish, it's doing the same thing a man does. Every. Day.
Men know how to lie and manipulate. They know how to mess with our minds and hearts. Why do you think we have such a gut feeling? And it's always right...
You think it's a coincidence why you attract the players, losers and cheaters over and over again? It's not... it's us women using our emotions the wrong way and learning to trust and love too soon. Not every man is like this, but many men are like this and it will suck you dry.
Listen to your head, not your heart. This is done by controlling our feelings, instead of straight reacting to them. This isn't the era of romance. It's the era of being the boss and calling the shots. You can't forgive the player and think you did something wrong.
As the author states, "Allowing our emotions to influence our actions and decisions is what gets us into trouble."
She then goes to talk about controlling your emotions at the end of relationships, since that is the harder pill to swallow. Ugh, I can remember my last break-up. The tears, the questions of what happened -- why me, the loss of control and no closure. The feeling of wanting to be fought for and begging for my forgiveness --- but knowing the whole time he was bad for me. In the short term, yeah that would make me and any other woman "feel better" for the meantime, but that's stupid. He ain't good... And that is what she means by controlling your emotions. Strong women (in which I really think I am in this category) screw up by making decisions because of loss of control with their emotions. Our hearts yearns for the attention, our heads say "HELL NO"!
We ALL have those friends that we shake our head at that take this loser back over and over! The "love story" that will never end well.
The EASY PART: Recognizing when you're reacting to emotion.
Your heart is telling you you're making a crappy decision. All the bullshit you're taking from this man in your life. Of course your friends and family see this, but it goes in your ear and out the other. So now you've recognized this flaw you have, so time to control it.
The HARD PART: Controlling your reaction.
You know you have these emotions. They won't stop, but you have the free will to control them. YOU are the one in control. YOU are in CONTROL.
The HARDEST PART: The feelings are still there and they really hurt.
You're heartbroken. You literally feel your heart breaking. You will feel pain. You will feel sadness, but you are still in control. Do other things to keep you busy. So on to the next part.
HELP for a BROKEN HEART
You're hurting, so treat your broken heart like a cut on your skin... It will hurt and might hurt for awhile -- but then it does start to go away. Maybe not our time schedule, but it will. I remember I couldn't eat, I started drinking more, I stayed sleeping cause I didn't want to wake up from my dreams and realize what had happened --- but I did it.
I did it because I knew no matter what happened in the future, I didn't want to repeat this cycle. Tigers don't change their stripes and it was time to move on.
The MOST IMPORTANT PART: You have to get distracted.
Do SOMETHING. Some type of hobby. Anything that doesn't involve calling the one who caused you pain. It will be the best feeling when you realize no man will ever have that control or power over your feelings.
The book then goes on to summarize sections. For this section it was reviewing on how to control emotions.
1. Women react on emotions. This is what makes us great mothers and caretakers. There is nothing bad about this, but we must know when we have to control it for our benefit.
2. Only make decisions based from your head, not your emotions
3. Understand the emotions, feelings, pain will be there
4. But you're not gonna give into your emotions, because you are in control -- no one else.
5. You're skin is still cut. You have to give it time to heal, same with your emotions. Leave it alone until it gets better.
6. And most important make yourself busy with other things. Be too "busy" for a loser.
Now onto a little bit more this chapter has to offer.
If he fucked up in a manner that is not forgivable, just run. He lost YOU. That's it. You're allowed to have FILLER DATES. You aren't using anyone, you're getting back into the game. It's also nice to have that feeling that someone admires you. Remember men aren't as complex as us. Why? Well we have a vagina and at the end of the day, they all want to be in it. (This is the book talking, but hey I feel the same way pretty much as well). You don't owe them anything though, don't ever feel like you do.
And make a list. The "Things I Hate About You" list. Write it ALL down. I remember my friend giving me this same advice. She had me write down the negatives and positives. Surprisingly there were many more negatives. She was right. He was an asshole.
Now here's the easier one -- Controlling Emotions in the Beginning of Relationships.
I have to say -- that's where I do good. I will wait for the good morning texts without giving them. Cause if a man likes you, he will pursue you. It's ok to flirt some. Do not pursue. Period...
The thrill of the chase is true. Though men fear rejection, they will work their asses off to get what they want if they want you.
So here are the reasons the book gives on why you must control your emotions when meeting a new guy or in the beginning of a relationship.
1. Men hate it when they can't read what you're thinking. Make him wonder. Make him work.
2. Men aren't like women where it's, "You like me, I like you." They want to hunt, it's thrilling. Stay flirting, but don't run after him. Don't worry if he likes you, he will be there.
3. "Only fools rush in." Oh Lord really? You know those friends that are in love after date 2? Come on now. This isn't the movies. Be happy, be excited -- but damn control your shit. Slow down. Take it easy and play hard to get.
Make this promise to yourself. "You must promise yourself that from this day forward you are taking responsibility for YOUR actions. If you look back and say, "What the hell was I thinking?" That's not his fault -- it's yours. Maintain composure over your feelings and don't let them rule your actions.
This is such a wonderful tool that will keep you in control... Whether you're saying by to an ex or starting off with a new guy you enjoy...
"Remember, a confident woman still feels pain, still wants to call the guy she likes, but she doesn’t. She controls those emotions, and therefore, controls the relationships she has with men."
Can you believe that is ONLY chapter one...
